Tag Archives: happy

Happy Spaces, Happy Faces

coffeehandle

By Vicki Hughes      Posted March 20, 2013

Fun Fact # 71843

It’s nearly impossible to watch a dog throw up without making your, “that’s-disgusting-face”

Captain Obvious says, “You’re welcome.”

We are hardwired for certain responses. Have you ever seen an entire theater of people jump simultaneously in a startling scene, or drop their jaws in shock? We respond to our environment. Thankfully, there are some pro-active things we can do to improve our environment, to create an atmosphere for feeling good, and staying positive.

Color: Adding some of the colors we love to a space where we spend lots of time can be an immediate mood enhancer. I love blues, and especially periwinkle. I’ve used periwinkle in several of our homes, and it never fails to make me feel good. Let’s face it, the word periwinkle is happy! Interior designer, and lifestyle author, Alexandra Stoddard, shared in several of her books, including Living a Beautiful Life, how, even if we can’t paint an entire room in a favorite color, we can add it to our daily life in creative ways. She’s painted the inside of drawers and cabinets a favorite citron green, so that opening them causes a little gasp of delight. Where could you add a surprising splash of color to give you a boost each day?

Favorite Things: One thing you might as well know about me is that I am not a minimalist. I enjoy my stuff. But I can’t display all of it all of the time, or I’d have the film crew for Hoarder’s knocking on my door.I like to keep a few of my favorite things out in the spaces where I spend lots of time: by my favorite chair, in the kitchen, on my desk, and even pictures of my favorite things and people on my computer desktop and on the lock screen of my phone. These little reminders of who and what I love put a smile on my face, and help to take the sting out of sitting on hold with tech support for twenty-nine minutes, only to get disconnected. Asshats!

Humor: I can’t live without it. I have had a few favorite funnies close at hand for years. I have a tiny framed quote in the kitchen window that says, “No woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.” It makes me smile, and it keeps John on his toes! I recently bought the print I added to this post, from Daddy Sang Bass.This print is now in my kitchen, and each morning it reminds me that I may not have it all figured out, but I can have a cup of Joe, and try to keep a handle on my sense of humor.

Whimsey: Even in a very expensive, professionally decorated home or office, I crave a bit of whimsey. I want to see that the occupants don’t take themselves too seriously. In a room of monochrome decor, that print of the smiling sun gives me a spark of joy.

I once went to a doctor’s office, and above the scale was a poster of Garfield, strangling a scale, screaming, “LIAR!” I dig that.

Anything a little silly or unexpected in an otherwise serious or serene setting catches my eye, and makes me curious and want to know more. I start to wonder, “Who put that here?” Anyone can be boring. It takes a little effort to set the stage for happiness.

Neuroscience is now reporting how the mirror neurons in our brains will automatically prompt us to smile back when someone smiles at us. The longer we look at them smiling, the harder those neurons work. I believe that rooms that smile also have that happiness effect on us. Look around you, and tell me what you can see from where you sit that makes you smile? If you can’t see something, there’s your homework for the day.

© Vicki Hughes 2013

Play Ball!

playball

By Vicki Hughes    Posted March 18, 2013

The ability to tap into happiness and experience joy are not always whimsical accidents. It’s a practice we can all cultivate. The more people I talk to, the more I realize how misunderstood the concept of being happy is. Many people think it’s an inherent trait that a few lucky people are born with, like straight teeth or great hair.

But people are not born happy! They either receive the tools to be happy or they don’t. Some are born to parents who model happiness, but many are not. Some people find teachers  later in life, or books, movies or through music, and learn to copy their behavior.

You may have been born into an extremely unhappy environment, but here is some good news. You can learn a happier way to live! I read a great article by Terri Cole on How Not To Be Your Own Buzzkill, that you may pick up some pointers from.

Imagine a little boy whose dad played baseball in college, who almost went to the big leagues. His mom and dad bring him home from the hospital, and what theme do we see in the nursery? Baseballs! Dad ends up modeling lots of baseball-y stuff for Junior from the get go. Maybe Junior is born with the physical traits that will make him a great athlete, and maybe he isn’t. But one thing we know, Junior is going to learn lots of cool baseball tricks from his Dad, which the little boys across the street  likely won’t get from their stockbroker dad.

On the first day of T-ball, Junior may appear to be much more of a “natural” ball player than the stockbroker’s kids for one reason. He had a better teacher at an earlier age.

But guess what? This is T-Ball! This is where beginners begin! We don’t expect the midgets in jerseys to be ready to pitch for the Giants yet! It’s time to learn.

Some of you grew up without a soul to show you how to practice being happy. Some of you were shamed and criticized, or taught to feel superstitious about having good things happen.  Hell-bent On Happy is here to be T-Ball for you!

I don’t care if you get distracted in the outfield and pick dandelions, or run the bases backwards, or sit down in the dirt and cry every once in a while, because it’s too hard. It’s T-Ball. We’re here to learn and have fun, to work together towards a common goal, being happy! (If we are really lucky we will get good snacks this week, like Rice-Krispie Treats, instead of those lame celery sticks!)

Don’t be discouraged if it’s harder for you than it seems for other people. Some of us grew up with really great, functional, supportive, healthy examples. Not everyone is that blessed. But here’s a little insight. Even with great examples, mentors and teachers, those “lucky ones” still have to practice the fundamentals, still strike out, still have no-hit streaks, and sore muscles, and occasionally get tossed out of the game for getting pissy with the umpire.

Relax. It’s a game.

We’re all here to help each other to make the game worthwhile. Keep showing up, invite your friends to the ball field, and let’s have some fun.

Play ball!

Know someone who needs to get out on the field? Click “Share,” below and invite them to the game!

© Vicki Hughes 2013

Why I’m Hell-Bent On Happy

Circle The Wagons!

Circle The Wagons!

By Vicki Hughes       Posted March 11, 2013

hell-bent   [hel-bent]    adjective

  1. Stubbornly or recklessly determined
  2. Determined to do or achieve something

hap·py     [hapē]        adjective

  1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
  2. Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation)

 

Hell-bent and happy don’t usually hang out in the same sentence together. When I began to formulate the concept for Hell-bent On Happy, it came out of the recognition of a need. This phrase for me, captures the image of a dog with a meaty bone, determined to hang onto it.

We have to be committed to our happiness enough to learn how to power through the many and sundry obstacles, that I like to think of as the Asshats.

Asshats are simply circumstances and individuals, alone or in groups, who are counter-productive to experiencing joy, and the opposite of happiness.  Perhaps you married one once. It happens. There are accidental Asshats, those who unknowingly participate in Asshat behavior, and sadly, I’ve been one of these on several occasions. But there is also a deeply devoted group of professionals. Professional Asshats who are not content to stay in their own company, and quietly carry on amongst themselves. They are zealous, and they recruit with fervor. They don’t think, “I’d like to be miserable, but it’s cool if you want to be happy.”

Misery doesn’t just like company, it likes crowds. It wants a huge mosh pit of cranky bastards to join into the fray. Us happy folk, we do like to hang around other happy people, but we need a bit of encouragement to get serious about it. Being happy and maintaining a sense of joy requires us to choose what we think and focus on. It calls into question three things:

  1. How do we spend our time?
  2. Who do we spend our time with?
  3. How long do we spend time with them?

Happy people need the same hell-bent attitude towards their own happiness and well being that the Asshats seem to have for being and making others miserable. Both attitudes are contagious. I believe it’s a mistake to take our own happiness too casually, “Maybe I’ll work on it, maybe I won’t,” is not a philosophy for success. One of my mentors in life, Jim Rohn, said it so well. “Casualness leads to casualties.”

Being Hell-Bent On Happy gives me courage to speak up for myself and others who want to live a happy life. It reminds me that the Asshats don’t have all the power, or the right to spew their crap without a rebuttal. It gives me the bravery I need to call out the people who are militantly being a pain in the ass, or giving us all a twitch, and say, “We’re on a mission to be happy over here, and I think you’d fit better elsewhere!”

Whew! That made me nervous, just writing it! But it felt GOOD!

I had a similar experience at a business conference a few months ago. The conference was packed full of some of the best speakers I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard some of the great ones. One of the speakers was Marianne Williamson. This was a great opportunity, and I was really excited to hear her talk. Part of her excellent talk included the idea of approaching other people with the idea, “The love in me salutes the love in you.” I was jotting notes, and getting a lot out of it.

Unfortunately, just as she was getting into the meat of her presentation, the group of people immediately to my left and in front of me seemed to lose interest, and begin chatting amongst themselves, discussing where they would like to go for lunch at the break, and where they might go for dinner and lots of other Asshat behavior.

At first I simply found it irritating, and attempted to ignore it. But it soon became clear they were not about to shut up, and just yackity-yackity-yack about their own personal stuff.  I lost my ability to strain forward to stay focused on the speaker.

By nature, I am not a confrontational person, and I don’t like confronting Asshats. They scare me a little. My nickname among my immediate family is The Nice Lady, because I’m usually so diplomatic! But my stress was going up, and the silent death threats I was sending these people were not getting through to them at all. Thankfully, some of the earlier speakers had driven home the importance of bravery, which I had taken to heart, and put on my own list of things to work on.

With a fearless glint in my eye, I scrawled in my notebook, “The talker in me salutes the talker in you, but kindly shut the fuck up.” I seriously considered handing it to the Asshat on my left. I looked down at it and  I realized I was so pissed off, it was nearly illegible, and there was already enough talking going on, I didn’t want to have to explain!

So I leaned over, made intense eye contact  with the Lead Asshat and said in a stage whisper, “I can’t hear the speaker because YOU are talking!”  She got a funny, pinched look on her face, but lo and behold, she and all her Asshat friends shut the fuck up! I could feel the quiet people all around me doing a little victory fist-pump for all the folks in our section who were spending time and money to actually hear the speakers.

Sometimes to defend happiness, joy and other valuable virtues, you have to step out of your “nice” comfort zone. In my case, being Hell-Bent On Happy means developing a tolerance for a little more confrontation when necessary, to defend my happiness. A joyful life cannot flourish and grow in a toxic environment. I’m the person in charge of creating and managing my own environment. I’m a big girl now.

Hell-Bent On Happy People have to be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea 24/7. You can’t be happy hanging around a band of Asshats. Either happiness is important enough to give some of our time and attention to, or it’s not. Hell-Bent On Happy People are stubbornly determined to be happy, experiment with bravery, join forces with other Hell-Bent On Happy people and to learn how to defend it when neccessary. Circle the wagons! The Asshats are coming!

© Vicki Hughes 2013