By Vicki Hughes       Posted March 11, 2013

hell-bent   [hel-bent]    adjective

1. Stubbornly or recklessly determined
2. Determined to do or achieve something

hap·py     [hapē]        adjective

1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
2. Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation)

 

Hell-bent and happy don’t usually hang out in the same sentence together. When I began to formulate the concept for Hell-bent On Happy, it came out of the recognition of a need. This phrase for me, captures the image of a dog with a meaty bone, determined to hang onto it.

We have to be committed to our happiness enough to learn how to power through the many and sundry obstacles, that I like to think of as the Asshats.

Asshats are simply circumstances and individuals, alone or in groups, who are counter-productive to experiencing joy, and the opposite of happiness.  Perhaps you married one once. It happens. There are accidental Asshats, those who unknowingly participate in Asshat behavior, and sadly, I’ve been one of these on several occasions. But there is also a deeply devoted group of professionals. Professional Asshats who are not content to stay in their own company, and quietly carry on amongst themselves. They are zealous, and they recruit with fervor. They don’t think, “I’d like to be miserable, but it’s cool if you want to be happy.”

Misery doesn’t just like company, it likes crowds. It wants a huge mosh pit of cranky bastards to join into the fray. Us happy folk, we do like to hang around other happy people, but we need a bit of encouragement to get serious about it. Being happy and maintaining a sense of joy requires us to choose what we think and focus on. It calls into question three things:

1. How do we spend our time?
2. Who do we spend our time with?
3. How long do we spend time with them?

Happy people need the same hell-bent attitude towards their own happiness and well being that the Asshats seem to have for being and making others miserable. Both attitudes are contagious. I believe it’s a mistake to take our own happiness too casually, “Maybe I’ll work on it, maybe I won’t,” is not a philosophy for success. One of my mentors in life, Jim Rohn, said it so well. “Casualness leads to casualties.”

Being Hell-Bent On Happy gives me courage to speak up for myself and others who want to live a happy life. It reminds me that the Asshats don’t have all the power, or the right to spew their crap without a rebuttal. It gives me the bravery I need to call out the people who are militantly being a pain in the ass, or giving us all a twitch, and say, “We’re on a mission to be happy over here, and I think you’d fit better elsewhere!”

Whew! That made me nervous, just writing it! But it felt GOOD!

I had a similar experience at a business conference a few months ago. The conference was packed full of some of the best speakers I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard some of the great ones. One of the speakers was Marianne Williamson. This was a great opportunity, and I was really excited to hear her talk. Part of her excellent talk included the idea of approaching other people with the idea, “The love in me salutes the love in you.” I was jotting notes, and getting a lot out of it.

Unfortunately, just as she was getting into the meat of her presentation, the group of people immediately to my left and in front of me seemed to lose interest, and begin chatting amongst themselves, discussing where they would like to go for lunch at the break, and where they might go for dinner and lots of other Asshat behavior.

At first I simply found it irritating, and attempted to ignore it. But it soon became clear they were not about to shut up, and just yackity-yackity-yack about their own personal stuff.  I lost my ability to strain forward to stay focused on the speaker.

By nature, I am not a confrontational person, and I don’t like confronting Asshats. They scare me a little. My nickname among my immediate family is The Nice Lady, because I’m usually so diplomatic! But my stress was going up, and the silent death threats I was sending these people were not getting through to them at all. Thankfully, some of the earlier speakers had driven home the importance of bravery, which I had taken to heart, and put on my own list of things to work on.

With a fearless glint in my eye, I scrawled in my notebook, “The talker in me salutes the talker in you, but kindly shut the fuck up.” I seriously considered handing it to the Asshat on my left. I looked down at it and  I realized I was so pissed off, it was nearly illegible, and there was already enough talking going on, I didn’t want to have to explain!

So I leaned over, made intense eye contact  with the Lead Asshat and said in a stage whisper, “I can’t hear the speaker because YOU are talking!”  She got a funny, pinched look on her face, but lo and behold, she and all her Asshat friends shut the fuck up! I could feel the quiet people all around me doing a little victory fist-pump for all the folks in our section who were spending time and money to actually hear the speakers.

Sometimes to defend happiness, joy and other valuable virtues, you have to step out of your “nice” comfort zone. In my case, being Hell-Bent On Happy means developing a tolerance for a little more confrontation when necessary, to defend my happiness. A joyful life cannot flourish and grow in a toxic environment. I’m the person in charge of creating and managing my own environment. I’m a big girl now.

Hell-Bent On Happy People have to be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea 24/7. You can’t be happy hanging around a band of Asshats. Either happiness is important enough to give some of our time and attention to, or it’s not. Hell-Bent On Happy People are stubbornly determined to be happy, experiment with bravery, join forces with other Hell-Bent On Happy people and to learn how to defend it when neccessary. Circle the wagons! The Asshats are coming!

© Vicki Hughes 2013