By Vicki Hughes Posted March 29,2013
Sometimes you need to keep things simple.
The end.
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Category Archives: Tips and Tricks
Hello!? Pay Attention!
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 23, 2013
Observation is the trick to writing. Noticing the obscure details, and then getting them written down, before they fly away like an eyelash in the wind.
Anne Lammott is one of my favorite authors. When I first read her book Bird by Bird, it changed my life. When she explained that I own what happens to me, a little tumbler on the lock of my writing clicked into place.
Events in my life are what I decide they are, and I’m the only one who can relate it in my perspective. Nobody besides me can see my life through my eyes. If I want you to see what I just saw, I need to write it down, to tell you the story. Paul Harvey used to conclude his radio broadcasts with, “And that’s the way it is.” Writing about our own lives could be footnoted with, “And that’s the way I saw it.”
When a writer writes a story, or shares an insight, all they can give us is their perspective, based on the view they had of the situation. As I’m sure you’re aware, there’s always another side to every story. Just ask a cop who has to write a report on a fender bender. Nobody sees it the same way, from the same angle.
At any given moment, we’re tuned into various parts of our environment. We would never be able to handle the sheer volume of information, if we were taking in all in.
Billions and billions of bits of information surround you right now. You have to choose to stay focused on these words. “Hey! I’m talking here! Pay attention!”
Your brain has to ignore far more details than it pulls into focus, in order for you to to get anything accomplished. There’s no way I could write this sentence while simultaneously focusing on every bit of other information coming at me through my five senses!
Have you ever been laying in bed and suddenly become very aware of your heartbeat? Thumpity thump, thumpity thump. “There it goes again. Again….” Suddenly, you’re counting along, and then wondering, “Is that NORMAL?!”
If you were that aware of your heartbeat, and every blink of your eyes, and every smell in the room, and every place the sheets were touching you, we’d probably have to come after you with a butterfly net. We are blessedly able to tune out a laundry list of input, to enable us to get some other stuff done.
I’m not very useful to myself, or anyone else, if I’m sitting around wondering if my heartbeat is normal or not. I’m not much fun if I’m hissing, “Shhhhh! I’m counting!”
Be glad you have the option to tune into the things you want to. Be okay with the stuff you miss, or sometimes can’t see. We all have our strengths. Most importantly, choose more of the good stuff to pay attention to, because life is short. I’d rather spend it looking at the flowers, than the dog poop.
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Happy Spaces, Happy Faces
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 20, 2013
Fun Fact # 71843
It’s nearly impossible to watch a dog throw up without making your, “that’s-disgusting-face”
Captain Obvious says, “You’re welcome.”
We are hardwired for certain responses. Have you ever seen an entire theater of people jump simultaneously in a startling scene, or drop their jaws in shock? We respond to our environment. Thankfully, there are some pro-active things we can do to improve our environment, to create an atmosphere for feeling good, and staying positive.
Color: Adding some of the colors we love to a space where we spend lots of time can be an immediate mood enhancer. I love blues, and especially periwinkle. I’ve used periwinkle in several of our homes, and it never fails to make me feel good. Let’s face it, the word periwinkle is happy! Interior designer, and lifestyle author, Alexandra Stoddard, shared in several of her books, including Living a Beautiful Life, how, even if we can’t paint an entire room in a favorite color, we can add it to our daily life in creative ways. She’s painted the inside of drawers and cabinets a favorite citron green, so that opening them causes a little gasp of delight. Where could you add a surprising splash of color to give you a boost each day?
Favorite Things: One thing you might as well know about me is that I am not a minimalist. I enjoy my stuff. But I can’t display all of it all of the time, or I’d have the film crew for Hoarder’s knocking on my door.I like to keep a few of my favorite things out in the spaces where I spend lots of time: by my favorite chair, in the kitchen, on my desk, and even pictures of my favorite things and people on my computer desktop and on the lock screen of my phone. These little reminders of who and what I love put a smile on my face, and help to take the sting out of sitting on hold with tech support for twenty-nine minutes, only to get disconnected. Asshats!
Humor: I can’t live without it. I have had a few favorite funnies close at hand for years. I have a tiny framed quote in the kitchen window that says, “No woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.” It makes me smile, and it keeps John on his toes! I recently bought the print I added to this post, from Daddy Sang Bass.This print is now in my kitchen, and each morning it reminds me that I may not have it all figured out, but I can have a cup of Joe, and try to keep a handle on my sense of humor.
Whimsey: Even in a very expensive, professionally decorated home or office, I crave a bit of whimsey. I want to see that the occupants don’t take themselves too seriously. In a room of monochrome decor, that print of the smiling sun gives me a spark of joy.
I once went to a doctor’s office, and above the scale was a poster of Garfield, strangling a scale, screaming, “LIAR!” I dig that.
Anything a little silly or unexpected in an otherwise serious or serene setting catches my eye, and makes me curious and want to know more. I start to wonder, “Who put that here?” Anyone can be boring. It takes a little effort to set the stage for happiness.
Neuroscience is now reporting how the mirror neurons in our brains will automatically prompt us to smile back when someone smiles at us. The longer we look at them smiling, the harder those neurons work. I believe that rooms that smile also have that happiness effect on us. Look around you, and tell me what you can see from where you sit that makes you smile? If you can’t see something, there’s your homework for the day.
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Toilet Paper Overwhelms Me
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 19, 2013
I’m beginning to think that I should buy toilet paper in extreme bulk, someplace like Sam’s Club, where they only have five or six varieties. Anytime I have to pick up toilet paper, and have the bad luck to find myself in a grocery store, I immediately begin to lose all decision making skills. I become frantic trying to decide which criteria to use to make a wise choice.
Single roll? Double roll? Two-ply is not up for discussion. That one-ply fooled me once, but never again! Jumbo roll? Tyrannosaurus Rex roll? With aloe? Without? What is this, sushi? Brand name with cute bears, or generic store brand, that looks suspiciously identical? On sale? Buy three, get a free roll of paper towels? I just stand there, shifting my weight from foot to foot, like a kid trying to pick a cookie in a bakery.
And don’t even get me started on paper towels! I have a favorite.They’re nearly indestructible, and you could probably make clothes out of them. But they’re pricey, and the rolls are noticeably smaller than their miserly competition. I nearly always put them back and go cheap, only to regret it when my wimpy paper towels just smear stuff around the countertops.
When I do buy a roll of those 1000 thread count paper towels, I’m like a miser. I set them towards the back of the cabinet under the kitchen sink, hoping nobody but me can find them. Using them is almost a holy experience, they’re so absorbant, it’s like watching water turn into wine. A person really could spend a small fortune at the grocery store shopping just for paper and plastic products. Let’s see, I have trash bags, ziplocks, foil, and plastic wrap, and twenty-seven dollars later, I still don’t have eggs or coffee. What the hell?
John despises plastic wrap, regardless of the brand. He does not speak it’s language at all. Anytime he makes an attempt to use it, there will me the muttering of four letter words, guaranteed. I’ve tried, and failed, to demonstrate my fool-proof method for dispensing it. He’s not having any of it. When plastic wrap requires dispensing in our home, it will fall squarely on my shoulders. Since spider executions are his sworn duty, I will carry on with a smile, wrapping sandwiches and leftovers with a good attitude.
I read somewhere that one thing we can all be thankful for is that spiders can’t fly. If you have a hard time thinking of things to be thankful for, you could just start there! I’m sure there is a bug expert out there somewhere who can find us a flying spider, but I personally intend to remain ignorant of any facts proving it.
Ignorance of certain subjects is very important to my sanity and happiness, and one of my most valuable tips for staying positive! I also keep myself deliberately in the dark about dust mites, bedbugs, and the quickie-cleaning methods of hotel maids. Some things you are just better off not knowing. Anytime these subjects come up, some helpful soul usually tries to enlighten me. That’s when I stop them mid-sentence and say, “Oh, I don’t want to know,” which they usually interpret as, “Please, tell me more!” This is when I am forced to poke my fingers in my ears and begin humming God Bless America.
What do you enjoy knowing nothing about?
© Vicki Hughes 2013
How I Get So Much Done: Six Tips You Can Use This Week!
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 13, 2013
People sometimes wonder how I get it all done. I work a full time job, I cook (mostly) healthy dinners, I make sea glass jewelry, I adjust my undies, I walk by the bay and snap pictures, I administer several Facebook pages, and as you may have noticed, I blog.
The key to getting it all done is ignoring things. Some people might call it lazy, I call it priorities! Here are a few of the most obvious things I must ignore in order to get some stuff done.
Baseboards: That’s right. I can’t get bogged down dusting them or wiping them with a fuzzy yellow cloth.They got nailed to the wall in order to create a framework for my collection of dust bunnies and floating islands of doghair.The baseboards are on their own.
Keeping My E-mail In-Box Clear: Seriously? I have no idea who has time like this to spare. I’ve apparently done entirely too much online shopping, because I get a bazillion e-mails from places I can’t even remember shopping with. I see them in my In-box so much, they feel like long term relationships. Please don’t suggest that I unsubscribe. I HAVE! They just keep ‘em coming. If you want me to actually read an important email, your subject line better have FREE MARTINIS in it.
Washing My Car: We don’t have a garage, but what we do have, is a very busy oak tree over the driveway. I also work about two minutes from the house, and there are no car-washes in between. I can go a week on twenty dollars in gas! To say I don’t give my car a lot of my attention would be a fair statement. I should get a golf cart.
Putting Things Away: Attending to this activity would deprive me of much needed time to do all the many things I am accomplishing. I let things form into little piles that become communities of crap and then, when I get caught up (generally once per fiscal quarter,) I spend an afternoon rummaging through them, feeling nostalgic, “There you are! I’ve missed you!”
Cleaning The Refrigerator: In my case, this is a huge time saver. This is not even an issue anymore because my Momma has it covered since she moved in. She keeps the fridge totally organized and finds a way to keep all the very important things close at hand so I don’t cry: martini olives, canned whipped cream, string cheese. Before she moved in, our fridge was a Twilight Zone episode.
When Chelsey was fifteen, I was cooking mac and cheese from scratch. As teenagers do, she went to the fridge to scope out a snack. I heard her suck in her breath through her teeth. She was hunched over, peering into the deepest recesses of the bottom shelf. “Is that the cookie dough from sixth grade?” she asked, nostrils flared. I wasn’t sure if she was deeply disturbed or about to get a spoon.
I glanced over my shoulder at her and said, “Maybe……”
Priorities, people! Do you want me to excavate the fridge or make you some Garlic Aioli bread?! I’m not a machine! I need to sleep sometime!
Getting all the laundry done: I know many of you dabble in this time saving practice. I am a complete seat-of-my-pants laundry person. I have no set day, and I can’t even fathom having underwear with the days of the week on them. If my underwear had captions stitched on them, they would say:
- Too small
- Elastic shot
- Why did I buy these??
- Oh, hell no!
- Let’s hope I don’t have an accident
- Scratchy
- Sends the wrong message, I’m tired
Much like my earlier tip on ignoring fridge cleaning, the ignoring of laundry can yield some great historical artifacts.
When we moved to a new house in 1999, I found one of Chelsey’s baby socks at the bottom of my hamper. She was ten years old, and had size-eight Nike’s, crusted with mud, sitting on our front porch. Her baby sock days were behind us. I sat in my bedroom and got a little teary-eyed over that mildewed sock, a smelly little time capsule to remind me of her babyhood.
There! My secret is out. Now you have six, practical ways to carve out more time each week! If you really want to be productive…learn what to ignore. Who knows what you will get accomplished!
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Why I’m Hell-Bent On Happy
Circle The Wagons!
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 11, 2013
hell-bent [hel-bent] adjective
- Stubbornly or recklessly determined
- Determined to do or achieve something
hap·py [hapē] adjective
- Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
- Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation)
Hell-bent and happy don’t usually hang out in the same sentence together. When I began to formulate the concept for Hell-bent On Happy, it came out of the recognition of a need. This phrase for me, captures the image of a dog with a meaty bone, determined to hang onto it.
We have to be committed to our happiness enough to learn how to power through the many and sundry obstacles, that I like to think of as the Asshats.
Asshats are simply circumstances and individuals, alone or in groups, who are counter-productive to experiencing joy, and the opposite of happiness. Perhaps you married one once. It happens. There are accidental Asshats, those who unknowingly participate in Asshat behavior, and sadly, I’ve been one of these on several occasions. But there is also a deeply devoted group of professionals. Professional Asshats who are not content to stay in their own company, and quietly carry on amongst themselves. They are zealous, and they recruit with fervor. They don’t think, “I’d like to be miserable, but it’s cool if you want to be happy.”
Misery doesn’t just like company, it likes crowds. It wants a huge mosh pit of cranky bastards to join into the fray. Us happy folk, we do like to hang around other happy people, but we need a bit of encouragement to get serious about it. Being happy and maintaining a sense of joy requires us to choose what we think and focus on. It calls into question three things:
- How do we spend our time?
- Who do we spend our time with?
- How long do we spend time with them?
Happy people need the same hell-bent attitude towards their own happiness and well being that the Asshats seem to have for being and making others miserable. Both attitudes are contagious. I believe it’s a mistake to take our own happiness too casually, “Maybe I’ll work on it, maybe I won’t,” is not a philosophy for success. One of my mentors in life, Jim Rohn, said it so well. “Casualness leads to casualties.”
Being Hell-Bent On Happy gives me courage to speak up for myself and others who want to live a happy life. It reminds me that the Asshats don’t have all the power, or the right to spew their crap without a rebuttal. It gives me the bravery I need to call out the people who are militantly being a pain in the ass, or giving us all a twitch, and say, “We’re on a mission to be happy over here, and I think you’d fit better elsewhere!”
Whew! That made me nervous, just writing it! But it felt GOOD!
I had a similar experience at a business conference a few months ago. The conference was packed full of some of the best speakers I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard some of the great ones. One of the speakers was Marianne Williamson. This was a great opportunity, and I was really excited to hear her talk. Part of her excellent talk included the idea of approaching other people with the idea, “The love in me salutes the love in you.” I was jotting notes, and getting a lot out of it.
Unfortunately, just as she was getting into the meat of her presentation, the group of people immediately to my left and in front of me seemed to lose interest, and begin chatting amongst themselves, discussing where they would like to go for lunch at the break, and where they might go for dinner and lots of other Asshat behavior.
At first I simply found it irritating, and attempted to ignore it. But it soon became clear they were not about to shut up, and just yackity-yackity-yack about their own personal stuff. I lost my ability to strain forward to stay focused on the speaker.
By nature, I am not a confrontational person, and I don’t like confronting Asshats. They scare me a little. My nickname among my immediate family is The Nice Lady, because I’m usually so diplomatic! But my stress was going up, and the silent death threats I was sending these people were not getting through to them at all. Thankfully, some of the earlier speakers had driven home the importance of bravery, which I had taken to heart, and put on my own list of things to work on.
With a fearless glint in my eye, I scrawled in my notebook, “The talker in me salutes the talker in you, but kindly shut the fuck up.” I seriously considered handing it to the Asshat on my left. I looked down at it and I realized I was so pissed off, it was nearly illegible, and there was already enough talking going on, I didn’t want to have to explain!
So I leaned over, made intense eye contact with the Lead Asshat and said in a stage whisper, “I can’t hear the speaker because YOU are talking!” She got a funny, pinched look on her face, but lo and behold, she and all her Asshat friends shut the fuck up! I could feel the quiet people all around me doing a little victory fist-pump for all the folks in our section who were spending time and money to actually hear the speakers.
Sometimes to defend happiness, joy and other valuable virtues, you have to step out of your “nice” comfort zone. In my case, being Hell-Bent On Happy means developing a tolerance for a little more confrontation when necessary, to defend my happiness. A joyful life cannot flourish and grow in a toxic environment. I’m the person in charge of creating and managing my own environment. I’m a big girl now.
Hell-Bent On Happy People have to be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea 24/7. You can’t be happy hanging around a band of Asshats. Either happiness is important enough to give some of our time and attention to, or it’s not. Hell-Bent On Happy People are stubbornly determined to be happy, experiment with bravery, join forces with other Hell-Bent On Happy people and to learn how to defend it when neccessary. Circle the wagons! The Asshats are coming!
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Pants Are a Scourge
“Clearly, I’ m Not In Charge.”
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 10, 2013
Pants. They drastically increase a person’s responsibility in life. I’m considering starting a revolution of people who are all very tired of being responsible, who, rather than flip out, just stop wearing pants. In the 60’s, women liberated themselves from social expectations by burning their bras. Maybe we could begin with a nice bonfire of pants.
It begins at a frighteningly young age. We start out wearing Onesies, where our chubby, Michelin- Man thighs can be squeezed at will, or in those soft, fleecy sleeping bags with arms and bunnies embroidered on the lapel…but somewhere around age two, someone puts you in pants, and as soon as that happens, suddenly here come the expectations. Now they want you to use the potty and stop spitting out your strained peas and for Pete’s sake, they insist that you share things. Back before those stupid pants, this was never an issue.
Pants are complicated. The question, “Who wears the pants in this family?” is still code for, “Who’s in charge?” seventy years after women quit wearing skirts every day.
Did you know that if you are wearing an attractive skirt, people will actually do things for you that they would not do if you were wearing jeans or slacks? That’s right. Stand next to a car with a flat tire in a skirt and see. Men, you are excused from this experiment. Seriously, people will hold more doors, pick up fallen change, carry more of your parcels and basically act like better human beings when you shun pants.
Pants are a scourge.
Pants are anathema to all true relaxation. They don’t belong at the beach, in a massage or any place tropical where you might sip a margarita. Pants equal full adult responsibility. Put on your pants and you are sending Life a text that says, “Bring it on, I’m ready.” Other than Scottsmen, who are in several weird categories all by themselves, such as being completely unintelligible, people don’t charge into battle without their pants on.
Pants baffle me further. Why is it called a pair of pants. It’s one article of clothing. It’s pants, not a pair. A pair is two. Pants refuse to comply with the laws of mathematics, they are so bossy.
Bossy Pants. Nobody ever uses the phrase bossy shorts or bossy skirts or bossy boxer shorts do they? Why? Because you can’t really pull off bossy behavior without your pants on. I mean, you’re welcome to try putting on your short-shorts and then address the Board of Directors if you’re feeling brave, but don’t blame me if the acquisition goes poorly. I warned you. We only want to be bossed around by people in pants. Bossing people around in skirts pretty much went out with Margaret Thatcher. After that, pants won.
Should life ever become all too much, and should you need to send a smoke signal out that says that you are no longer the person in charge, and all complaints need to be directed elsewhere…just take off your pants.
I guarantee, if the pilot of an airplane came out of the cockpit without his pants on, somebody else would be asked to land the plane. Someone in pants. Taking them off is a very clear signal that says, “I’m not in charge right now.”
Are your teenagers bugging the hell out of you, clamoring for you to arrange this and arrange that, take them here and pay for that? Off with the pants, watch them scatter!
The big difference between doctors and patients in hospitals? Pants. The ones still in pants are in charge and the ones in sketchy gowns are not. It’s all perfectly clear. As soon as they hand you the gown, you know immediately, there’s been a power shift. That’s why dentists and chiropractors will never get the same respect as an M.D. They can’t get you to take your pants off. At the end of a long week, I consider it the height of relaxation to remove my Bossy Pants and put on shorts or a swim suit or even a cotton sundress to simply send the world a signal that says, “Today I will not be making any further Big Decisions. Direct all inquiries elsewhere.
Talk to the Pants.
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Five Tricks For Overcoming Little Annoying Crap
You try and try, but they keep showing up.
By Vicki Hughes Posted March 10, 2013
Little annoying crap has the power to suck the joy right out of an otherwise lovely day. We’ve all done it; The client who no-shows, the person in front of us, who spaces out, and makes us miss our big shot at getting through the light before it turns red, the bill we thought we mailed , discovered when we pull down the sun visor to put on our lipstick. Little. Annoying. Crap.
Everyone has it.
The real problem comes in when we start giving it our undivided attention. We go from being stuck in traffic, to thinking our boss is an idiot, to thinking we will never get out of debt, to lamenting the complete deterioration of Western Civilization because everyone sucks.
Whoa! It’s just a traffic jam! It might be keeping you from a head on collision, or helping you miss the creepy (Did he just sniff me??) guy who likes to follow you too closely when you get out of the elevator.
Chill.
I have found a few little tactics I like to use when I feel myself boarding the Teeth Grinding Train.
1) Tell yourself this situation may be working to your advantage somehow. A traffic delay may save your life, or cause you to meet your new best friend, or find a fifty dollar bill on the sidewalk. If you can’t change it, choose to imagine something good coming from it.
2) Decide to be un-offendable. To do this, you can say, “It’s not me, it’s YOU!” I suggest in most cases, you do this silently. In other words, you remind yourself that the person making you feel bat-shit crazy is not doing it just to get under your skin. They would be doing or saying the same routine, no matter who was standing in your shoes. People do what they do because of who they are. Stop taking their actions so personally and remember; sometimes you’re the one driving people nuts.
3) Say to yourself, “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen.” When you were five years old, you created countless new opportunities, futures and possibilities by pretending. You let your imagination do great things. You still can! I’m not talking about living in complete denial, I’m suggesting we choose to focus on what makes us happy instead of spinning out movie-length scenarios of how this one event is going to ruin our lives forever! When I say to myself, “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen,” it frees up parts of my brain to notice things that are funny or inspirational or at the very least, neutral. Neutral thoughts are better than being dialed into the little annoying crap.
4) Distract yourself with something. Spending the weekend with a deaf uncle who blares the news 24/7? I suggest taking walks, offering to clean his birdfeeder, cooking some chili while plugging into your iPod and cranking your own tunes, or challenging him to a game of checkers. Distraction is a powerful tool. You can’t raise toddlers without it! Use it when you feel the Cranky Train leaving the station.
5) Don’t throw away the brownie because of a few annoying nuts. I’m not a nut person, but if you were to hand me a fudgy brownie with nuts, I would not be inclined to toss it in the trash. I would enjoy what I did like, and leave the rest. We can’t always guarantee that our brownies or our lives are nut-free, but we can choose to enjoy the sweet parts, and leave the rest.
© Vicki Hughes 2013